"Differential Tariffs"

Mobile telephone service providers in India usually have differential tariffs for calls terminating in a different provider's network or a different kind of network, e.g. calls from XYZ provider to ABC provider are more expensive than calls from XYZ to XYZ, and calls from a GSM network to a CDMA network are charged higher than calls to another GSM network. In addition, inter-circle ("STD") calls are more expensive than intra-circle (local) calls.

Now here's the thing. How the heck am I supposed to know whether a number I'm calling is a Reliance, Indicom, Airtel, Hutch/Vodafone, Spice, Idea, BSNL, MTNL or whateverthehellelse? Not only that, how am I supposed to know whether it's a local number or an outstation number? All I see on my caller ID is +91-9xxxxxxxxx.

At least landline numbers are recognizable since they have an STD code. There's no such fixed scheme with mobiles. Well, there is, sort of. But consider this, I get a call from an unknown number, say +919742xxxxxx which I'm unable to attend. To call back, I have no idea what circle and what provider a 9742xxxxxx number would belong to, and no way of finding out (I mean other than calling back and asking). So would it be a local call or an STD calls? Would it be free since I have XYZ-XYZ calls free? How should I know? How am I supposed to find out? 

Soon, the concept of change-providers-but-keep-your-number is going to be introduced in India. What happens to the differential tariffs then? Someone who had an XYZ connection and who you could call for free, might have changed providers without your knowledge and you would end up with a hefty phone bill when you call them up thinking "hey, it's free". A conversation might go like this -- "hey, what connection you have? Oh, ABC? I thought you were with XYZ... Oh I see, you've changed providers! Sorry, Imma haveta hang up, it's expensive for me to call you. Kthxbai!"

My solution: Get rid of this differential tariff system altogether. All calls/messages from anywhere in India to ANY phone anywhere in India (a +91 number) should be charged uniformly. If I may dare to suggest some numbers -- calls at 30ps-1Re/min, messages at 10ps-50ps/sms.

And what's with the high sms charges on "special occasions" like Christmas? Don't get me started on tariffs while on roaming -- that's a rant for another day.

Customer is king? More like "Customer is (for fuc)king (over)".  

"Censorship"

F@#K CENSORSHIP!!!

"The Devil's Odometer"

Here's a photo I took of my Activa's odometer:

Look closely at the numbers...



Closer...







(Yes, I stopped in the middle of the road in the middle of the night to take that picture. Right after a black cat crossed my path.)

"Earth? Live?"

A concert to prevent global warming? Heh.

Ok first off, does global warming even exist? Second, even if it does, is it really a bad thing? Third, even if it does exist and is indeed a bad thing, is it actually being caused (or accelerated) by human activities? Or is it just a natural cycle which would have occured any way, with or without human intervention?

We do not yet have absolutely conclusive answers to the above questions, and hence to me this whole 'save the environment NOW!' business seems to be just propaganda. Don't the organizers see the irony in organizing massive concerts to raise awareness for reducing consumption?

The concerts are going to be attended by thousands of people [who will most likely arrive there by car, hence consuming fuel]

The concerts are going to be witnessed by billions (yes, billions -- an expected audience of over 2 billion people) on TV, radio and over the internet [which will consume electricity]

The concerts are going to need lighting and sound [and again, consume electricity]

Food and drinks at the venues [which will produce massive amounts of waste -- hopefully they will at least not be using plastics!]

Private jets for the artists to fly to and from the venue [!!!]

Now from the Live Earth website, here are some choice solutions offered by them to avert this supposed "crisis" (Note: I am not making these up -- check them for yourself at http://liveearth.org/crisis_solutions.php) 

Cool Threads
Wash your clothes in cold water and save yourself up to $400 a year in bills. [Except that washing in cold water will consume more detergent, which uses petroleum products in its manufacture]

Phone It In
For every 3 meetings held by video conference instead of flying cross-country, it would be like taking a car completely off the road for an entire year. [I wonder for how long that same hypothetical car would be kept off the road if the Live Earth concerts weren't held at all]

Green Your Diet
The international meat industry generates roughly 18% of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions. [What about the oxygen that will not be replenished by the plants which will be eaten by the animals which will not have been eaten by humans?]

Towel Off
A 100-guestroom hotel can save an estimated 72,000 gallons of water a year through a linen and towel reuse program. You don’t wash your towel everyday at home, do you? [haha... nice one. Wait, what? You're serious?]

Cover your tracks
By purchasing digital music online you can help conserve the oil consumed in transporting CDs to and from the store. [By downloading them off P2P I will save money as well ;)] [Wait wait RIAA I was just kidding!]

In summary, whether or not global warming is a real threat, and whether or not organizing concerts is the best way to spread awareness, there is no doubt that a little moderation in everything will not hurt you. Some of the suggestions like using less electricity and less fuel, even if you don't care about the environment, will atleast save you some of your hard earned money. Some of the more extreme suggestions (Don't wash your towels, share a bath with someone) should probably taken with a grain of salt.

My advice to you on the live earth concerts: Don't believe all the hype, just enjoy the music.

Oh, and a nice job on the remix of A Brick in the Wall.

"Live Earth"

On 7/7/07 a series of pop and rock concerts will be held across 8 cities to spread awareness about the global warming crisis. Millions, even billions, of people are expected to tune in on their TVs and radios (in addition to the tens of thousands already attending the shows themselves) and be a part of this event.

There are literally hundreds of artists going to be performing; so whatever your taste in music, you're likely to find something you like. But the music is just a medium, "save the environment" is the message. You must do your bit to save our environment.

Use less fuel -- use public transport, ride a bicycle, carpool. Use less electricity -- turn off lights and fans when not in use, replace bulbs by Compact Fluoroscent Lamps. Stop using plastics. Reduce the use of water heaters, air conditioners and room heaters. Save trees -- use less paper.

These are only a few of the things you can do. These little things can make a big difference. Remember the 4 R's -- Reduce, Reuse, Recycle and Restore.

Additional resources:

[1] The Live Earth website [http://www.liveearth.org]

[2] "Proper Education" - a remix of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall" by DJ Eric Prydz. A music video with a deep environmental message [http://www.green.tv/eric_prydz_int]

"Haiku Haiku"

Five, seven, and five 
syllables, three lines you write
OMG Haiku!

"Re-View"

It has been over a month since I started this blog (and over 2 weeks of actually posting!) so I decided to review my work so far. What I found surprised me, and I don't mean the good kind of surprise either. Spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, indecipherable sentences -- they were all there. And what was I thinking when I put all those labels/tags there?

So I went through the posts and corrected some typos and grammar mistakes that I found (although I am pretty sure there are still many more) and of course, (by popular demand) got rid of most of the pointless labels.

I also made a few title/content changes here and there, since I was editing the posts anyway.

Exercise to the reader: see if you can spot the differences. Hint: I wouldn't dream of changing a title! (that should give you pointers to two posts that have changes.)

As for why the title of this post is "Re-View" with a hyphen... I reviewed my posts, so now you will have to re-view them! :D

"When It's Done"

As you have probably noticed, the regular update schedule of 1 post a day has not quite been maintained over the last few days.

This post is to announce the new update schedule for this blog. A new post to this blog will be made only when, and if, it's done.

"No Soap Radio!"

The following is a dramatization of an IM conversation. Names have been obfuscated. Some details may have been changed for dramatic purposes (or simply fabricated.)

h: hey you guys! I have a joke!
s: mm'kay, tell us.
d: jhyeah! tell us!
h: Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub.
h: One penguin says to the other, "Please pass the soap."
d: heh.
h: And then the other penguin replies, "No soap radio!"
d: ROFL!
d: HAHAHahahahahah
h: hehe :D :D
s: ??! :S
h: LOL!
d: Hahahahha
d: didn't you get it? "No soap, radio!"
s: no :S
h: dude.
h: No.
h: Soap.
h: Radio.
h: how hard can it be to 'get' this?
d: jhyeah, you really dint get it ?
d: "... no soap, radio!" get it now??
s: Oh. I think i got it
s: Ahahaha
d: AHHAHAHAHAHAHA
h: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
d: Hey. Wait. There are no polar bears at the south pole! :/

"I Object!"

Is there any single act in the known universe that can absolutely, positively not be offensive to anyone, anywhere, ever?

I seriously doubt it.

People seem to go out of their way to get offended by things. It seems like it is not only things that you do that offend people, but sometimes even things that you don't do. There are even situations where if you do something you offend a group of people (say, "A") and if you don't, you end up offending another group of people "B."

Maybe one does have the right to be offended, but then doesn't the person doing the "offensive" deed have a right to do it too? Who gets to decide what is "offensive" and what is not? Should someone even have the right to decide? One should have the right to do whatever one pleases (as long as it is not illegal -- but then again, just because something is 'legal' doesn't make it 'right' and just because something is 'illegal' doesn't make it 'wrong' -- but I digress.)

Even if one does get offended, one's right is restricted to making the objection known. One cannot expect the "offender" to do things differently just because someone gets offended by it.

I get offended when people do such things. So who do I sue first?

I guess Stan (Southpark) summed it up perfectly when he said, "I get it: I don't get it!"

"Sheets"

Unless you've been living under an internet rock, you must have certainly come across on a forum or in a chat room or wherever, a nickname, the gender of which you could not determine. At some point, you might have had to refer to the person behind that nickname using a pronoun and at that point faced the all-important question -- do you use 'he' or 'she'?

Using 'it' would be downright lame. Don't tell me you were seriously considering using it. (See what I did there?) ;)

But now, do not fear, the solution is here. I propose the addition of a new pronoun to the English language. It is not even a new word; it is an existing word 'overloaded' to perform this function of a pronoun to refer to a person of unknown/indeterminable gender on the internet.

This word is a portmanteau of 3 words -- He, she, and it.

SHE + HE + IT = SHEET

Voila! There you have it. Now you no longer have to worry about determining a person's gender before referring to sheet using a pronoun!

~ Yes, I am aware that SHE+HE+IT can be combined into another word.
~~ No, I am not going to comment on whether or not it is a better term than 'sheet.' It Depends.
~~~ That word could get you kicked out from a chat room or banned from a discussion board, but 'sheet' is rated U -- suitable for all audiences!

So Nation, go out and spread this wørd!

"Lost Verses"

I'm sure a lot of you found the lyrics to yesterday's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" a tad dark and morose.

So here's an alternate ending to the poem, which isn't as disturbing.

I saw her for the first time...
.
.
...was her jealous boyfriend.

then I woke up from my reverie
opened my eyes, only to see
she was still standing there
and combing her hair.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream"

I saw her for the first time
man that sight was sublime
she was combing her hair
she looked good I swear
you should've been there
to believe that sight
on that warm summer night
stars shining bright
in the wide open sky
I really have no clue why
throbbing was my jugular
heartbeat was irregular
blood pressure increasing
can't describe the feeling
my head started reeling
my palms grew all sweaty
collapsed like spaghetti
like being in a whirlpool
oh was I such a lovefool
tried hard to keep cool
but damn! that sensation
like floating, levitation
beyond imagination
irresistible temptation
I just kept on staring
yes, it was daring
but I wasn't caring
I was just looking at her
One thing was for sure
her face was angelic
the feeling psychedelic
I admired the creation
felt a sense of elation
Heart said "go, propose"
Brain tried to oppose
Heart wasn't listening
too busy whistling
despite my trepidation
and all the hesitation
Heart was the winner
I asked her out to dinner
after like, forever
she said, "whatever"
then my jaws hit the floor
and eyes started to roll
I bled and bled and bled
and then I was dead
It took me quite a while to realise
the last thing I saw with my eyes
before I met my gory end
was her jealous boyfriend.

"Step Two"

The 3-step business plan is a well known internet meme which follows the following template:

Step 1: [something here]
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!

Well, looks like my mobile service provider has finally figured out the elusive Step Two! I received an sms from them which went like (Note: I deleted the original message; hence paraphrasing from memory)

"Missed an important call because your cell was not reachable? Subscribe to missed call alerts only @ Rs 30 per month!"

The new mobile-service-provider 3-step business plan:

Step 1: Lay down a crappy network with incomplete coverage
Step 2: Charge users for alerting them about missed calls when they happen to be outside area of coverage
Step 3: Profit!!

Pure genius!

"Wht U Dng"

"wht u dng m gng 2 mv cmng"

u no i srsly dnt undrstnd y ppl hv 2 typ liek dis!! but d scary part 2 me iz dat most ppl can actly undrstnd wit no prblms at al!! im sure ur understnding dis 2!!

dis typ of lang wuz inventd coz in a sms der iz a limit on d no of charz dat can b sent in 1msg so ppl hd to cram as mch as possble into 1 single sms but i dnt see y dis hs 2 b d case wen U hv a keybd n unltd msg lngth??? can ne1 expl 2 me dis???

if d point iz to be as incohernt as possibl den i might as well fmffmmmpp Pmpmppppppppffmfmmpfmmppmmmpmp while u guyz brk ur headz tryin 2 trnsl8 it!!

Hint: clik on d link n copy paste d text into d box n u can trnsl8

"Your A Looser!!1!"

you MAY think that i"M a looser becoz i have a BLOG and all but if you realy think about it, whose the bigger looser? YOu or me? it is you!!1 you are actualy reading this piece of crap LOL! Get a life and get a BRIAN, moran! also it would be HEIGHTS if your a blogger too! then your compeletely hopeless!~

"Labels"

Yes. They're there. They're obnoxious. And they don't seem to be doing anything useful. But give me a break, this blog is just a week old! Maybe they'll be useful to find stuff when there are a few hundred posts to wade through!

Anyway, I'll do something about it. Later. Much later. Maybe. Don't get your hopes up too high. You're stuck with them for a while. You'll get over it.

20070604 Update:
Yes. They're still there. But not as many, and not as obnoxious.

~ You may have won this time, but it ain't over yet! X(

"Ha Ha! Mistake!"

One of my Orkut testimonials tells me that I like to point out others' mistakes and laugh at them. My response? Nolo contendere.

You make a silly mistake. I point it out and laugh. You get annoyed. I enjoy.

You make a typo. I point it out and laugh. You get annoyed. I enjoy.

You say something innocent. I take a double meaning. You get annoyed. I enjoy.

But don't hate me for it; I'm just trying to make the world a better place. How, you ask? Here's how.

The next time you are about to make a silly mistake, or about to say something which could possibly be misinterpreted, you will think twice, since you don't want to get laughed at. Soon it becomes second nature to you to double check everything you are about to say.

Thus, your speech becomes less ambiguous and less error prone. You become an effective communicator and a great orator. Everyone wins, everyone is happy.

Except me, that is. I don't get to pick on your mistakes anymore since you don't make any. I am deprived of these little joys which give me so much happiness.

I am thus sacrificing my own happiness to make others happy. Isn't that what life is all about?

"Non Sequitur"

This post is not about what it says in the post title at all.

"Spam"

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

---

There, that was all the spam this blog can take. No more spam will be tolerated. Unless it's SPAM™. By the way, SPAM (in all caps) is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods, LLC. So remember, to refer to unsolicited email/scraps/comments/posts, always use lowercase 'spam.'

"It Depends"

Good news, everyone!

I would like to take this momentous occasion to announce to the world my theory of Life, the Universe, and Everything. I like to call it "heXiuM's Universal Theory of Dependence."

It can be simply stated as: "It Depends."

Think about it. It really does answer everything.

It is so unquestionably true that I consider it an insult to the reader's intelligence to offer any proof for it. I will, however, illustrate with an example.

A: "Why is the sky blue?"
B: "Well, it depends."
A: "Depends on what?"
B: "Well that also depends."
A: "That also depends on what?"
B: "Well that also depends."
...
This could continue forever.

The questions asked by A could be replaced by any other questions, and yet the answers given by B would remain completely valid.

For instance,
A: "Is this a random question or what?"
B: "Well, it depends."
A: "What do you mean by that?"
B: "Well that also depends."
A: "That also depends on what?"
B: "Well that also depends."
...


See? You just witnessed the HUTD in action.

The first answer given by B is in the First Normal form of the heXiuM's Universal Theory of Dependence Equation (HUTDEq - pronounced /ˈhɛdˌeɪk/.) The second and subsequent answers given by B are in the First Derivative form of the HUTDEq. These directly lead us to the mathematical statement of the HUTD.


1st Normal form of HUTDEq:
In the first Normal form, the HUTDEq is expressed as "It depends."

1st Derivative form of HUTDEq:
The first Derivative form of the HUTDEq is expressed as "It also depends."

Mathematical Statement of heXiuM's Universal Theory of Dependence:
"The answer to any question leads to a HUTDEq. Any question can be answered by the First Normal form of the HUTDEq. Any subsequent questions can be answered by the First Derivative form of the HUTD, ad infinitum."

Disclaimer: This theory was originally told to me by a friend, so it's not exactly correct for me to call it "heXiuM's" theory. But then, it depends, doesn't it? ;)

"Updates"

Yes! Believe it or not, there will be updates. At least, that's the plan. So to make sure that you don't miss anything, do the following:

1) Remember this url -- http://hexium119.blogspot.com
2) Add this url to your bookmarks/favorites -- http://hexium119.blogspot.com
3) Set this url as your home page -- http://hexium119.blogspot.com (Ok this step is optional)
4) Subscribe to the RSS feed -- http://hexium119.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
5) Get yourself a permanent tattoo with this url inked : http://hexium119.blogspot.com
6) Name your first born child heXiuM119. (This step is also optional. I don't mind even if it's the second born.)

"The Test"

Yes, this is a test.