"I Object!"

Is there any single act in the known universe that can absolutely, positively not be offensive to anyone, anywhere, ever?

I seriously doubt it.

People seem to go out of their way to get offended by things. It seems like it is not only things that you do that offend people, but sometimes even things that you don't do. There are even situations where if you do something you offend a group of people (say, "A") and if you don't, you end up offending another group of people "B."

Maybe one does have the right to be offended, but then doesn't the person doing the "offensive" deed have a right to do it too? Who gets to decide what is "offensive" and what is not? Should someone even have the right to decide? One should have the right to do whatever one pleases (as long as it is not illegal -- but then again, just because something is 'legal' doesn't make it 'right' and just because something is 'illegal' doesn't make it 'wrong' -- but I digress.)

Even if one does get offended, one's right is restricted to making the objection known. One cannot expect the "offender" to do things differently just because someone gets offended by it.

I get offended when people do such things. So who do I sue first?

I guess Stan (Southpark) summed it up perfectly when he said, "I get it: I don't get it!"