"Meta-"

Holy crap it's almost one full year since I started this blog! While this is a completely meaningless milestone, I thought it would be a good time to sit down and contemplate the reasons why I did what I did.

So after a lot of soul-searching, here's a brief list of the top 10 reasons why I started this blog (in no particular order):

1. Prior Art

A needed a place to document all my lexicological innovations, inventions ("Sheets") and theories ("It Depends") so that I can sue anyone else who tries to claim them.

2. Peer Pressure

"But mommy ALL my friends have one... can't I get one too?"

Also, the feeling of 'hah! Your blog sucks! I can do better!'

3. Pedantry

I love to make fun of the way people speak or type ("Your A Looser!!1!", "What U Dng") and I love it when people make mistakes ("Ha Ha! Mistake!"). I can't help it. I just do.

4. Practice Writing
(but I still got only a 4.5/6)

But I'm probably better now than I was when I started. Which is a good thing.

5. Poetry

I think sometimes
I need some places
To keep my rhymes
And tie my laces

6. Puns and in-jokes

Some posts will be hilarious... only to the elite ones who 'get' it. Most of you will never 'get' any (pun intended?). You are not expected to. Get over it. No Soap Radio.

7. Photography

To showcase my (non-existent) photography skillz, and also because my new cell had a camera (well it was new at that time... speaking of which -- Happy Birthday dear w810i!)

8. Propagate memes

In Soviet Russia, the internets need MOAR rickrolls and a Beowulf cluster of LOLcats! Netcraft confirms it! [citation needed]

9. Preparing for future "WTF" moments

A few years (months?) later when I read this, I will surely go "wtf was I thinking!"

Might as well ensure it happens! >.>

10. Hypocrisy

I had the enlightening realization that every human being, at sheet's core, is a hypocrite. I tried hard not to be one, and to practice what I preached, but it just wasn't possible. I hated blogs and bloggers, and yet, I am one of 'them' now. Yay! I am a hypocrite! I can 'belong'!

(Crap, that last one broke the nice P-alliteration I had going on.)

"Alternate Careers"

Over the years people have told me I'd do very well at various occupations:
- Engineer
- Lawyer
- Comedian
- Philosopher
- Procrastinator
- Detective
- Grammar Nazi
- Stalker
- Serial Killer

~ I'm already doing most of those things ('lawyer' not one of them).

"First Crush"

Ah, my first crush.

I saw her for the first time
She was with another guy
But I was smitten completely
By her gorgeous curves
She was so beautiful
A beauty contest winner
She was wearing a crown
I stared at her longingly
But all I got back was
This cold, emotionless stare

A few days later I saw her again
With a different guy this time
He was holding her in his arms
I was angry and disappointed,
Jealous and heartbroken, but
I was never gonna give her up
I was never gonna let her down

Then one fine day somehow
I summoned all my courage
Timidly I went closer to her
I put my arm around her hips
Ran my fingers down her cold back
God how sweet are you, I thought
I drew her lips closer to mine
I could feel the excitement in the air
I looked at her one last time
Then I closed my eyes

When our lips finally touched
Time seemed to stand still
My teeth felt a cold chill
I had a brain freeze
Tingling sensation on my tongue
Bittersweet orange-y taste

Ah, my first Crush. *sigh*

20080524 Update: Repaired broken linky.

"Bovine Intervention"

Who let all the cows loose on the street? X(

They're always getting in my way when I'm riding. And they move so very slowly, without a care in the world, showing no concern for the massive traffic jams they're causing.

You still ask me what's my beef with cows? :/

"Lies"

The hardest thing to do in the world is to frame a perfect, internally consistent lie*.

On the surface it looks to be harmless enough to tell someone a small "white lie". But if (or more likely, 'when') questioned about it, you have to make up another lie to cover up your original lie. One lie will lead to another and eventually you'll be lying buried in a pit of your own lies.

Now the truth, by definition, is internally consistent. You may forget the truth, but you don't have to make it up or remember different truths for the same event. That's another problem with lying -- you don't remember whom you've told what version of your lie. (Maybe I should invent a version control system for lies -- I could call it ClierCase**!). With a lie, it becomes tougher and tougher to maintain internal consistency the longer it goes on.

Therefore, the challenge is to create a lie that is completely and totally consistent and will stand up to any amount of scrutiny (and is not 'cake').

Protip: It helps if you convince yourself of the truthiness of the lie.


* Of course, the whole theory is bound by the HUTD, so YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary).

** This counts as prior art for any future patent applications from person(s) (other than me) for any form of version tracking or controlling system for lies.