"Good News, Everyone!"

I started this blog nearly three years ago, for a variety of reasons, and none of them matter so much any more.  (To add to that, in three years, I've yet to title the damn thing. )

Therefore, effective today, I have decided to discontinue blogging for good.  (Cue your cheers)

However, I'm not done (booooo).  I have now decided to foray into a new, untested medium -- video!  The same puns, snarkiness and sarcasm which often characterize my blog posts in the form of characters on screen, will now manifest themselves in the form of... characters on screen. But in video!

I was going to write about the background of this project--how it was conceived, tempered, and brought to fruition.  However, I'm feeling lazy; I won't.

The theme of the show is pretty much going to be some amateurs being immature (and thinking they're being clever with their channel name), delivered to the audience (?) through the thrillingly dramatic media of instant messaging and internet relay chat, with a bunch of internet memes and references thrown in for good measure. 

If that sounds like something you'd be interested in participating in, why yes, we're hiring (if by 'hiring' you mean 'seeking people who have time and/or money to spare on recording their chats and not get paid for it').  Comment on the video and let us know.  (But before that let a couple dozen people know about the video, heh).

In any case, here's the Pilot.  The planned update schedule is the same as it was for this blog: "when it's done."

P.S: Remember when I said I won't be blogging any more? Bwahahaha, April Fool's! I'll still be blogging. Too bad for you. 

P.P.S: Despite what you hear about Portal2, the cake is still a lie. 

P.P.P.S:  I just realized how close "Still Alive" sounds to "still a lie".  COINCIDENCE?  Probably. Meh. 

"A Shoe"

[Disclaimer: Content may be NSFW or offensive. Read further at your own risk]

A friend's blog post questions the truthiness of this report --a study showing that men sneeze when thinking about sex.  

Actually it's like this:

1) Men always think about sex

2) Men sometimes sneeze

Conclusion: When men sneeze, they think about sex.

It's Logic! 

P.S: Yes, I am aware that Snopes has debunked the claim that men think about sex every 7 seconds, but I also know how sinister Snopes is.  I prefer to believe the words of great philosophers such as Chad Kroeger and Jonathan Davis instead.

P.P.S: The title of this post is a really, really bad pun, which I truly apologize for. 'A shoe' sounds like 'atchoo', which is an onomatopoeia for a sneeze.  Adidas is 'a shoe', and also an acronym for "All Day I Dream About Sex".  (Really pushing it, but Nike is also 'a shoe', and they say "just do it".)

P.P.P.S: I am sneezing as I post this. No comments.

"Miss Steaks"

I love steaks. Yummy, tender, juicy steaks. I miss steaks big time. 

There, I said it. Miss steaks. 

You know, I’ve never understood this -- people keep telling me I am incapable of admitting I miss steaks. (And strangely, they all use ‘your’ instead of ‘you’ when they say that, as in “why don’t you ever admit your miss steaks?”.) But I love steaks. Why wouldn’t I admit I (my?) miss steaks?

Speaking of missing, if your mail is missing more than 3 vowels, you’re NOT going to get a reply from me (except maybe a link to this post).

Oops, sorry. Need context. 

It’s about this course I joined. It’s time for the new batch of applicants and everyone in the current batch (including yours truly) is being contacted for more info by the hopefuls. 

Dear hopefuls, if you contact me, I would be glad to help you out and give you more information. But if your mail reads along the lines of “lik.. .cn u plz tel me wid my stats can i get into d course????”, I’ll just consider you a looser[sic] and ignore your message. If you can't frame a half-decent English sentence then you probably shouldn't try to apply. Disclaimer: Of course, that's MY opinion. Feel free to disagree and/or get angry. Thank you for playing.

And... speaking of anger, I probably should learn to control it better. At least channel it. Not unleash it on those hardly deserving it.

And neither should I disturb people and pester them to click links when they're clearly busy working.

I blame it all on missing steaks. I guess I... I... I am the curvature of a Japanese sword...

"Perfect Match"

There's no such thing as a perfect match.



But Home lites come close.

"Eclipse"

Friend: People in India are really afraid of an eclipse.

Me: Yeah, I dunno why. It is just an IDE, after all.

"Light Reading"

Q: How much does a 'light'bulb weigh?
A: It actually weighs less than it lux.

Too subtle? Lux ~ looks. Also, lux is the SI unit of illuminance.

Sorry, that was bad. I'm sure I candela better joke. >.>

"A Classy Pun"

Classmate: We should have more classes on Java.
Me: Dude, Java is full of classes.

Yay, my first Java pun!

~ Bas, aaj ke liye coffee hai.

"Metaphor"

(Earlier: Meta-, Meta-Meta-, and Meta³)

Meta Four is a pun.

Sorry.

You sat through 3 days of meta-discussions and all you got was a lousy figure of speech. (If you're willing to pay me, I could still get you a T-shirt.)

"First Crush"

Ah, my first crush.

I saw her for the first time
She was with another guy
But I was smitten completely
By her gorgeous curves
She was so beautiful
A beauty contest winner
She was wearing a crown
I stared at her longingly
But all I got back was
This cold, emotionless stare

A few days later I saw her again
With a different guy this time
He was holding her in his arms
I was angry and disappointed,
Jealous and heartbroken, but
I was never gonna give her up
I was never gonna let her down

Then one fine day somehow
I summoned all my courage
Timidly I went closer to her
I put my arm around her hips
Ran my fingers down her cold back
God how sweet are you, I thought
I drew her lips closer to mine
I could feel the excitement in the air
I looked at her one last time
Then I closed my eyes

When our lips finally touched
Time seemed to stand still
My teeth felt a cold chill
I had a brain freeze
Tingling sensation on my tongue
Bittersweet orange-y taste

Ah, my first Crush. *sigh*

20080524 Update: Repaired broken linky.

"Get A Plate"

Q) What should you do if you're hungry and very sleepy?

A) Get a plate