"Miss Steaks"

I love steaks. Yummy, tender, juicy steaks. I miss steaks big time. 

There, I said it. Miss steaks. 

You know, I’ve never understood this -- people keep telling me I am incapable of admitting I miss steaks. (And strangely, they all use ‘your’ instead of ‘you’ when they say that, as in “why don’t you ever admit your miss steaks?”.) But I love steaks. Why wouldn’t I admit I (my?) miss steaks?

Speaking of missing, if your mail is missing more than 3 vowels, you’re NOT going to get a reply from me (except maybe a link to this post).

Oops, sorry. Need context. 

It’s about this course I joined. It’s time for the new batch of applicants and everyone in the current batch (including yours truly) is being contacted for more info by the hopefuls. 

Dear hopefuls, if you contact me, I would be glad to help you out and give you more information. But if your mail reads along the lines of “lik.. .cn u plz tel me wid my stats can i get into d course????”, I’ll just consider you a looser[sic] and ignore your message. If you can't frame a half-decent English sentence then you probably shouldn't try to apply. Disclaimer: Of course, that's MY opinion. Feel free to disagree and/or get angry. Thank you for playing.

And... speaking of anger, I probably should learn to control it better. At least channel it. Not unleash it on those hardly deserving it.

And neither should I disturb people and pester them to click links when they're clearly busy working.

I blame it all on missing steaks. I guess I... I... I am the curvature of a Japanese sword...

"The Diary of Jane"

[Author's note: Yes, I know it sucks (it didn't even make it to the top 500 from over a thousand entries). Tell me only if you have something else to say. 

Typos, grammar mistakes, etc. are those of the characters, not mine. 

Also, a note to readers who might be familiar with my other (now defunct) blog and might have seen a somewhat similar (and identically titled) post: It isn't plagiarism if you yourself wrote the original.] 

Chapter I: Newspaper Snippet

Feb 16, 2008.
Young Software Engineer Found Dead

CHENNAI: The body of a software engineer working for a reputed company was found at his residence today, in an apparent case of suicide. The police are investigating the matter -Agencies.

---

Chapter II: The Note

To Jane (the only one I ever loved),

During my college days I made fun of all my friends who said they were in love. I never believed in the concept of love… until I saw you. The date was Dec 28, 2007 -- my first day in the company.

I still remember that day... your amazingly cute smile, the way you gently ran your fingers through your hair, the way you slowly and gracefully blinked your eyelids – I was bowled over!

Two long weeks passed before I finally got to talk to you. You have no idea how elated I was when I got your phone number! The sense of elation when I got a message from you, the way my hands got clumsy when you were around, the way my heart skipped a beat each time I saw you…

Yes… I was definitely in love!

Then our training period got over and you got your posting in Bangalore. When you were leaving, I tried my best to tell you about my feelings for you (it was Valentine’s Day!), but I just could not muster up the courage…

With you gone, I thought to myself, better late than never. I SMS’d you, professing my love, and waited for your reply… It never came! I tried calling you… several dozen times. You didn’t even pick up!

Don’t you want to talk to me anymore? Why are you doing this to me? Why, Jane, why? I cannot live like this…!

A wise man once said, “’tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. I don’t know if you will even know, or care, about my fate. But this will be forever true – I will always love you.

Yours forever,

Jack.

P.S: Mom, Dad, I am sorry.

---

Chapter III: The Diary

[28Dec07]

Dear Diary,

First day in new company!! Saw a guy in the canteen today, he was cuuuute :D (I think he was checking me out, hehe). Hope I get to know him better!

Mood: hopeful

[11Jan08]

Dear Diary,

I finally talked to him today! A friend introduced us. He is a reeeally nice guy, he is as sweet as he is cute!! Seems to be a clumsy fellow tho, he dropped sambar on his shirt!

Mood: floating

[14Feb08]

Dear Diary,

Valentine’s Day! And Im alone!

Was really hoping Jack would ask me to be his Valentine :(

I know he likes me, I can tell! Poor guy, I think he’s just too scared. But that is soooooooooo cute! :D

Anyway, in the train now, will be in Bangalore tomorrow!

Mood: mixed emotions

[15thFeb08]

Dear Diary,

First day in new city! And I lost my phone! :(

Mood: Bummed.

"Apostroph'abuse"

janedoe: At 50 Rupees, I think the dollars reached it's peak...

hexium: ^^ Ha Ha! Jane misuse's [sic] apostrophe's [sic]!

And you probably do too. Misused apostrophes are far too common to just sit around and ignore. In some cases it's accidental, but in most cases it's due to pure ignorance.

In fact, apostrophabuse is so common that the first rule in Strunk & White's (should that be "Strunk's & White's?" Here's a hint.) Elements of Style is on the correct use of an apostrophe.

Instead of repeating what's already been said probably hundreds of times on the internet (Internet Rule #184), I'll just leave you guys with many, many links.

Hopefully; you guy's wo'nt misuse apostrophe's anymore after reading these link's!!1one!

• Site "The Dreaded Apostrophe" has one simple rule for when to use apostrophes -- Use an apostrophe when letters are missing.

• Read what Bob the Angry Flower has to say about apostrophabuse: [Quick Guide to Correct Apostrophe Usage] [With pretty colours!] [Why not destroy the apostrophe altogether?]

• The Apostrophe Protection Society is dedicated to preserving the correct use of the much abused apostrophe.

• At least one person thinks apostrophe abuse is due to an Alien Conspiracy (if you look hard enough you might actually be able to find the article among the ads).

Once you've gone through all the links above and you're confident you know the right way to use the apostrophe, make your way over here, here, here or here and laugh at the others who still misuse it.

Oh and I leave you with a typical Apostrophabuse example I captured on my own phone:

"Wierd Weather"

The weather nowadays is weird. Weirder than the weird spelling of 'weird' in the post title. Seriously.

I've started out from home in overcast conditions, (obviously) wearing a jacket. But 15 minutes through the journey, the clouds have suddenly disappeared and it's bright sunshine. My black jacket now acts like a perfect black body, absorbing all of the sun's radiation (Physics, biyatch, should I teach you it?), and literally cooks me inside.

The same works in reverse too, I start out, wearing a T-shirt, when the skies are sunny -- and then it rains.

(On a side note, if "wet T-shirt" was the first word connection that came to your mind when you read the last sentence, I like the way you think ;) . However if you thought 'hexium in a wet T-shirt', that's... somewhat disturbing. You might want to seek help. :/ )

Back to topic -- Global Warming (sorry, "Climate Change", as you like to be called nowadays), alright, you win. I'm a believer. Now please stop doing that. It's annoying.

"Ha Ha! Mistake!"

One of my Orkut testimonials tells me that I like to point out others' mistakes and laugh at them. My response? Nolo contendere.

You make a silly mistake. I point it out and laugh. You get annoyed. I enjoy.

You make a typo. I point it out and laugh. You get annoyed. I enjoy.

You say something innocent. I take a double meaning. You get annoyed. I enjoy.

But don't hate me for it; I'm just trying to make the world a better place. How, you ask? Here's how.

The next time you are about to make a silly mistake, or about to say something which could possibly be misinterpreted, you will think twice, since you don't want to get laughed at. Soon it becomes second nature to you to double check everything you are about to say.

Thus, your speech becomes less ambiguous and less error prone. You become an effective communicator and a great orator. Everyone wins, everyone is happy.

Except me, that is. I don't get to pick on your mistakes anymore since you don't make any. I am deprived of these little joys which give me so much happiness.

I am thus sacrificing my own happiness to make others happy. Isn't that what life is all about?