"hexium's Laws"

hexium’s Law of Research Citations:

83% of people who claim “research has shown that” can not produce citations to back their claim.

(Note: This is consistent with the law that 83% of all statistics are made up.)

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hexium’s Law Research of Blogs:

Research has shown that 97.3% of all blogs are overrated.

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hexium’s Law General Rule of Disclaimers

As a general rule, when people say “this is not directed at any one” or “this is not intended to offend any one”, it generally is.

Corollary (a.k.a the Law of Internet Forum Moderation):  

When people start a post with "I'll be modded down for this..." they generally won't be. 

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hexium’s Law of Surveys:

For every survey, there is a survey with an equal and opposite finding.

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hexium’s Law of hexium’s blog posts about hexium’s laws:

hexium will forget what other laws he intended publish in this blog post.

(But they were funny, he promises.)

"69"

Hay Guise!! 

My previous post ("Miss Steaks") was the 69th post on this blog! Just thought I'd let you guys know!  Thanks!!

Ok fine, I admit. I just wanted an excuse to use the sex on the internet (no not what you're thinking) tag.  If you got here by clicking on the tag, it worked! Muahaha.

But sorry I tricked you.  To make up for it, here's a parody of Bryan Adams's Summer of 69, dedicated to the thousands of IT professionals who fervently wake up early in the morning and travel to far away lands (i.e. Electronics City) every day for work.  Lyrics have evolved from the original post made at an "undisclosed location".  Yenjoy madi!

Shuttle #69

Got up at 6 in the mornin’
Still was runnin’ out of time
Waitin’ by the ol’ bus shed
For the shuttle #69

Me and some guys carpooled
I had a ride and we tried real hard
Some quit, and others got married
I shoulda known... EC’s quite far

Oh when I look back now
The journey seemed to last forever
And since I have a choice
Yeah I’d always wanna go by
Shuttle out of fear for my life

(Chorus)

Ain’t no use in complainin’
Since you got a job to do
Spend the mornin’s inside the bus now
And then the evenin’s too!

Standing on the shuttle stop
Thought I’d have to wait forever
Oh I think you’d understand
I didn’t mind it whatsoever
‘Cos I was waitin’ with my future wife :) 

(Chorus) Back in the shuttle #69...

Man at any given time
Drivers drivin’ reckless
‘Round corners they turn blind
Hosur road can’t last forever - forever, no

And now the times are changin’
Look at everything that’s come and gone
Public displays of affection
Make people wonder what went wrong

Standing on the shuttle stop
You think you’d have to wait forever
But when the shuttle finally comes
You start your Hosur Road endeavor
Those are the worst times of your life

(Chorus) Back in the shuttle #69...

"Miss Steaks"

I love steaks. Yummy, tender, juicy steaks. I miss steaks big time. 

There, I said it. Miss steaks. 

You know, I’ve never understood this -- people keep telling me I am incapable of admitting I miss steaks. (And strangely, they all use ‘your’ instead of ‘you’ when they say that, as in “why don’t you ever admit your miss steaks?”.) But I love steaks. Why wouldn’t I admit I (my?) miss steaks?

Speaking of missing, if your mail is missing more than 3 vowels, you’re NOT going to get a reply from me (except maybe a link to this post).

Oops, sorry. Need context. 

It’s about this course I joined. It’s time for the new batch of applicants and everyone in the current batch (including yours truly) is being contacted for more info by the hopefuls. 

Dear hopefuls, if you contact me, I would be glad to help you out and give you more information. But if your mail reads along the lines of “lik.. .cn u plz tel me wid my stats can i get into d course????”, I’ll just consider you a looser[sic] and ignore your message. If you can't frame a half-decent English sentence then you probably shouldn't try to apply. Disclaimer: Of course, that's MY opinion. Feel free to disagree and/or get angry. Thank you for playing.

And... speaking of anger, I probably should learn to control it better. At least channel it. Not unleash it on those hardly deserving it.

And neither should I disturb people and pester them to click links when they're clearly busy working.

I blame it all on missing steaks. I guess I... I... I am the curvature of a Japanese sword...

"The Diary of Jane"

[Author's note: Yes, I know it sucks (it didn't even make it to the top 500 from over a thousand entries). Tell me only if you have something else to say. 

Typos, grammar mistakes, etc. are those of the characters, not mine. 

Also, a note to readers who might be familiar with my other (now defunct) blog and might have seen a somewhat similar (and identically titled) post: It isn't plagiarism if you yourself wrote the original.] 

Chapter I: Newspaper Snippet

Feb 16, 2008.
Young Software Engineer Found Dead

CHENNAI: The body of a software engineer working for a reputed company was found at his residence today, in an apparent case of suicide. The police are investigating the matter -Agencies.

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Chapter II: The Note

To Jane (the only one I ever loved),

During my college days I made fun of all my friends who said they were in love. I never believed in the concept of love… until I saw you. The date was Dec 28, 2007 -- my first day in the company.

I still remember that day... your amazingly cute smile, the way you gently ran your fingers through your hair, the way you slowly and gracefully blinked your eyelids – I was bowled over!

Two long weeks passed before I finally got to talk to you. You have no idea how elated I was when I got your phone number! The sense of elation when I got a message from you, the way my hands got clumsy when you were around, the way my heart skipped a beat each time I saw you…

Yes… I was definitely in love!

Then our training period got over and you got your posting in Bangalore. When you were leaving, I tried my best to tell you about my feelings for you (it was Valentine’s Day!), but I just could not muster up the courage…

With you gone, I thought to myself, better late than never. I SMS’d you, professing my love, and waited for your reply… It never came! I tried calling you… several dozen times. You didn’t even pick up!

Don’t you want to talk to me anymore? Why are you doing this to me? Why, Jane, why? I cannot live like this…!

A wise man once said, “’tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. I don’t know if you will even know, or care, about my fate. But this will be forever true – I will always love you.

Yours forever,

Jack.

P.S: Mom, Dad, I am sorry.

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Chapter III: The Diary

[28Dec07]

Dear Diary,

First day in new company!! Saw a guy in the canteen today, he was cuuuute :D (I think he was checking me out, hehe). Hope I get to know him better!

Mood: hopeful

[11Jan08]

Dear Diary,

I finally talked to him today! A friend introduced us. He is a reeeally nice guy, he is as sweet as he is cute!! Seems to be a clumsy fellow tho, he dropped sambar on his shirt!

Mood: floating

[14Feb08]

Dear Diary,

Valentine’s Day! And Im alone!

Was really hoping Jack would ask me to be his Valentine :(

I know he likes me, I can tell! Poor guy, I think he’s just too scared. But that is soooooooooo cute! :D

Anyway, in the train now, will be in Bangalore tomorrow!

Mood: mixed emotions

[15thFeb08]

Dear Diary,

First day in new city! And I lost my phone! :(

Mood: Bummed.

"Apostroph'abuse"

janedoe: At 50 Rupees, I think the dollars reached it's peak...

hexium: ^^ Ha Ha! Jane misuse's [sic] apostrophe's [sic]!

And you probably do too. Misused apostrophes are far too common to just sit around and ignore. In some cases it's accidental, but in most cases it's due to pure ignorance.

In fact, apostrophabuse is so common that the first rule in Strunk & White's (should that be "Strunk's & White's?" Here's a hint.) Elements of Style is on the correct use of an apostrophe.

Instead of repeating what's already been said probably hundreds of times on the internet (Internet Rule #184), I'll just leave you guys with many, many links.

Hopefully; you guy's wo'nt misuse apostrophe's anymore after reading these link's!!1one!

• Site "The Dreaded Apostrophe" has one simple rule for when to use apostrophes -- Use an apostrophe when letters are missing.

• Read what Bob the Angry Flower has to say about apostrophabuse: [Quick Guide to Correct Apostrophe Usage] [With pretty colours!] [Why not destroy the apostrophe altogether?]

• The Apostrophe Protection Society is dedicated to preserving the correct use of the much abused apostrophe.

• At least one person thinks apostrophe abuse is due to an Alien Conspiracy (if you look hard enough you might actually be able to find the article among the ads).

Once you've gone through all the links above and you're confident you know the right way to use the apostrophe, make your way over here, here, here or here and laugh at the others who still misuse it.

Oh and I leave you with a typical Apostrophabuse example I captured on my own phone: