"Learning a Language"

hexium's 4-Step process for learning a new language:

Step 1: Learn to say "I don't understand <language>"
Step 2: Learn various swear words.
Step 3: Learn to say "I love you".
Step 4: Learn the rest.

Unfortunately, this method doesn't work for computer languages. (Apparently I have to learn Java now. I always used to think it was a kind of coffee.)