Satirony

After weeks of futile searching, I finally got my hands on a paper copy of The Onion this week. (For those who don't know, The Onion is a satirical news organization.)  After I had read through it, I pondered out loud, "how about satirizing The Onion?" This thought quickly evolved into a debate about whether or not a satire of a satire is indistinguishable from reality. While the debate itself did not end in a conclusion or compromise (distraction by LOLcats may have been a factor), I took upon myself the challenge of satirizing The Onion.
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The Onion to Quit Fake News Business   

NEW YORK -- The world’s oldest satirical newspaper, The Onion, today announced that the issue dated 7/22 would be its last reporting fake news, and that it will reinvent itself as a tabloid exclusively covering reality shows.
 

“Products placements are far easier to work in when delivering real news that matters to real people,” said Editor Joe Randazzo, while munching a lightly toasted Dunkin’ Donuts Cinnamon Raisin bagel with Reduced Fat Onion & Chive Cream Cheese Spread.
 

“People kept thinking the products we promoted were as fake as the news we delivered, and that did not go well with our advertisers,” he said with a sad sigh, taking off his Ray Ban Aviator sunglasses to reveal a hint of a teardrop.
 

“It was hard for us to keep making things up that actually wouldn’t happen,” said an Onion contributor who wished to remain anonymous, “I thought the story I came up with about an African-American man and an ex-President’s wife fighting for the White House would be the most absurd thing ever, but reality proved me wrong.”
 

“Screw fake news; I’d rather write about Snooki and Speidi”, he added.
 

The Onion was also facing increasing competition in the fake news business from rival Fox News.  Fox News declined to comment on this development.
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P.S: A reader of an early draft of this "news item" commented that it looked less like a satire and more like an homage to The Onion. Isn't that ironic?