"I Object!"

Is there any single act in the known universe that can absolutely, positively not be offensive to anyone, anywhere, ever?

I seriously doubt it.

People seem to go out of their way to get offended by things. It seems like it is not only things that you do that offend people, but sometimes even things that you don't do. There are even situations where if you do something you offend a group of people (say, "A") and if you don't, you end up offending another group of people "B."

Maybe one does have the right to be offended, but then doesn't the person doing the "offensive" deed have a right to do it too? Who gets to decide what is "offensive" and what is not? Should someone even have the right to decide? One should have the right to do whatever one pleases (as long as it is not illegal -- but then again, just because something is 'legal' doesn't make it 'right' and just because something is 'illegal' doesn't make it 'wrong' -- but I digress.)

Even if one does get offended, one's right is restricted to making the objection known. One cannot expect the "offender" to do things differently just because someone gets offended by it.

I get offended when people do such things. So who do I sue first?

I guess Stan (Southpark) summed it up perfectly when he said, "I get it: I don't get it!"

"Step Two"

The 3-step business plan is a well known internet meme which follows the following template:

Step 1: [something here]
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!

Well, looks like my mobile service provider has finally figured out the elusive Step Two! I received an sms from them which went like (Note: I deleted the original message; hence paraphrasing from memory)

"Missed an important call because your cell was not reachable? Subscribe to missed call alerts only @ Rs 30 per month!"

The new mobile-service-provider 3-step business plan:

Step 1: Lay down a crappy network with incomplete coverage
Step 2: Charge users for alerting them about missed calls when they happen to be outside area of coverage
Step 3: Profit!!

Pure genius!

"Wht U Dng"

"wht u dng m gng 2 mv cmng"

u no i srsly dnt undrstnd y ppl hv 2 typ liek dis!! but d scary part 2 me iz dat most ppl can actly undrstnd wit no prblms at al!! im sure ur understnding dis 2!!

dis typ of lang wuz inventd coz in a sms der iz a limit on d no of charz dat can b sent in 1msg so ppl hd to cram as mch as possble into 1 single sms but i dnt see y dis hs 2 b d case wen U hv a keybd n unltd msg lngth??? can ne1 expl 2 me dis???

if d point iz to be as incohernt as possibl den i might as well fmffmmmpp Pmpmppppppppffmfmmpfmmppmmmpmp while u guyz brk ur headz tryin 2 trnsl8 it!!

Hint: clik on d link n copy paste d text into d box n u can trnsl8